paranoid?

another sem, another batch of classmates--or kind of. there're only a few that will be added to our section, and even though they are just a handful, i'm still worried about what might happen this second semester.

i seem childish and foolish but if you happen to know these people, you will understand why i'm getting so hyped up over something like this one.

they aren't actually popular, they aren't even close to being like those kind of people, but they surely have the kind of attitude that just....repels people? :)or maybe just people like me. either way, i'm not entirely comfortable with the idea of having them with our class for a whole semester. based from experience, they are the type that doesn't really give a damn to other people and i don't know if they do it on purpose but they sure seem rude when others are talking. they haven't done it to me--yet--and i sure hope that they won't because i sure as hell won't let them get away with it.

so should i get worried? or am i just getting paranoid over something so petty?

Would you stand by the sidelines?

It is no secret that teenagers today are highly prone into committing suicide. Heck, its even an "in" thing in most circles, and if you have numerous scars of slashes gracing your wrists as though you've been etching on your skin your own bracelet design, you're going to be regarded as one of the cool kids. One who have guts, so to speak. Ha! Oh please.
isn't it disturbing that kids nowadays get a kick from hurting themselves? isn't it disturbing that adolescents--well, most of us, I think--believe this is the only way for them to get people's attention and actually be able to feel they are alive? its not only disturbing but its also pathetic. really, it is. You're actually not cool when you've done something like this; it just shows how weak and helpless you feel because you thought you can't change your life for the better, and you can't even put some semblance of control over what is happening to you. Which is why you turn on yourself and inflict some pain on your being. tsk tsk. Oh, poor, unfortunate souls....
the sad part about this is that when adults find out that you're harassing yourself, they immediately name you as a kid who needs 'serious mental treatment' and whisks you away to some shrink who just fills your head with some psychobabble. Not that I have experienced this yet but I have heard a lot of these through my mom. But anyway, instead of helping you out by being there for you, it seems as though they are ostracizing you more. You don't need other people to analyze your actions and intentions for doing that! You need the people around you to understand you and listen to you and to devote some of their time for you. Simply stated, you are just in great need of being loved. Yes, shiver and choke and gag and barf and roll your eyes and deny all you want, but its what every person needs. Not just superficial kind of love but one that you know would stand the 'test of time'. And how would you know what kind of love you have? Beats me, but I think you'll just know it when you have it. You'll feel it in your bones naman e. lets just hope that your bones aren't up to kidding you.
so what if you have a friend who is into doing this kind of thing? slashing their wrists, etc., stuff that would make other people cringe and wonder what is it they have found amusing in playing sculptor using their skin. Well, frankly, I don't really know. I mean, people have different attitudes regarding this matter. Some open up when you approach them while others build a shell around them when you talk to them about this. maybe the best you--WE can do is to be there for them. as in literally. its the best we can do, not to mention the most common, too, but its what we all forget most of the time.
so when you know somebody who has developed some sort of obsession over this kind of thing, would you still stay by the sidelines?

Gloria Gate

read it people. its worth some of your time.

wahahaha, bealits! bayaran mo 'ko dito! publicity din 'to ng blog mo! :)hahahaha, joke, joke lang! pero really, people, read it. its good. :)

Culture Shock or Peer Pressure pt.2?

now that i'm in college, its almost, almost a requirement of some sort that you should have a crush or boyfriend or boy friend or fiance or......whatever the hell you want to call it. and truthfully, its really annoying and disturbing my peace of mind. just like what one of my blockmates told me, if you don't have one of those things above, you are....antisocial? abnormal? pathetic? well, choose one or give another adjective. i've never been one who let other people and their comments get to me because, hey, i am my own person. i do not need other people dictating to me what is the norm and the status quo. but that certain comment has stuck to my brain like mighty bond and i can't get it out of my system. and the fact that almost all the people around me are fluttering around saying, "Shit, ang guwapo!" or "Uy, ang cute o!" doesn't make matters better. quite exactly the opposite, on the contrary. i'm getting tired of staring at a cellphone screen, looking at a picture of a guy whose name i'm forgetting once i take my eyes off his pic, while my friend squeals in delight and expects me to say "Oo nga! ibang klase!" ibang klase ung nasa likod niya o!


cynical? very.


but still.......is college really like this? or am i being subjected to another one of those culture shocks?

Missing Someone

actually, its not just missing SOME-one. its missing EVERYONE. back when i was still studying in high school, i would often hear the higher batches, especially the fourth year students, getting mushy in the middle of the corridor or at the stones or inside the washrooms, hugging and pinching and playing with each other's hair tenderly while telling each other that they're going to miss high school SO VERY MUCH. at that time, i would automatically duck my head or look at my watch or strike up a conversation with my friends while mentally rolling my eyes and scrunching up my nose and telling myself i would never ever be like one of those people. its not because i'm planning on forgetting everybody once we've all entered college (talk about being ungrateful) but its because i know we can all still communicate with one other via text or phone or whatever. technically, we're all just.....one something away.

but now that i'm actually here in college, i realized the truth behind all those mushy stuff i have seen while we're still in high school. texting a friend that you're just so bored with theology is nothing like telling that same friend, who is sitting beside you, looking terribly bored as well, that you absolutely abhor theology. e-mailing a story of how much you want to eradicate certain people in your class because of the simple reason that the'yre not likeable--in your opinion--is certainly nada compared to narrating that story to your friends with complete sound and visual effects. the good old days are just so hard to find right now, especially when the people around you can't relate to what the good old days are.

now, this doesn't mean that i have taken my high school life for granted. God knows how many times i've acted like a total ditz in front of my friends. and God also knows how many times my friends have told me: "Ang drama mo naman, esqui" or "ES-qui, ano ka ba, ndi yan no....." or "Arte ni esqui o". Yes, yes, i've heard it all, but i don't really let them stop me from hugging the hell out of their lungs or squeezing them until their eyes pop out. unwittingly and unknowingly, i have become what i swore not to be when it was a year or two or three before i stepped into fourth year. i have become a certified mush-y person. which, now that i think about it, is no biggie at all. at least i have expressed to the people around me how much they mean to me and how much i will miss them and how much they have become a part of my life........ hehehehe, kidding. before i start a speech here, i will wind up this entry with words that we have all heard time and time again but really gave no thought about.

time passes quickly, especially when you're having fun or when you're with the people or person you hold close to you. oftentimes, we take for granted everything around us, up to that point when we think we, ourselves, are the only ones who matter. life is too short for that. maybe the best we can really do is be there with everybody instead of just raising our noses up in the air and refusing to mingle with the "commoners".

and to all of my friends..........alam ko na sasabihin niyo:

















"ANO NA NAMAN NAKAIN MO, ESQUI????"










:)miss you all!

Wow, Sexy! hahahahahaha!!!

You're a "White Angel". You're a natural leader in every aspect of life because you always try to do the right thing. It may not always work out the right way but at least you tried. You're pretty near to your family and you love being around them. You're not afraid of what people think if you except your relatives because you have to deal with them everyday. Everyone else, you don't. You are only afraid that you won't live up to what they want you to be though. You want to be the best at everything and you'll push anyone out of your way if you have to. You're a person with big dreams and ambitions and you're a clear thinker. You never do things on impulse but always think things out first which helps you a lot in life. You'd be the one to stand up when no one else will, and the one who will speak up when all else are quiet.

What Color Angel Are You? (PICS)
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My Type of Season

You're a Spring. You usually are very close-knit with your friends and value everyone freidnship you have. You're a real people person and everyone loves how friendly you are. You're good with encouraging people but usually don't like to be the center of attention. You are a social butterfly and probably are in several circles of friends but it's just because you're well liked and you make people comfortable. You're both fun and wise but you are very realistic about life.

What season are you?
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What's My Element

You're Element is Light. You are friendly, happy,social, bubbly, and can brighten up any one's day! You are very kind and a real people person because you have several friends (or at least should). You're cheery nature makes you lovable and your stunning looks are sweet and stand out.
What's Your Element(girls)? (PICTURES)
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pasaway!

hehehe, first time i've ever done this in my entire life. i'm writing on my blog in the middle of a class discussion!!! padge brownie, nagcollege lang ako at kung ano-ano na ang pinaggagagawa ko. hay......i know i probably sound too much of a goody-goody two shoes but i can't help it! i'm actually feeling very paranoid right now because our prof might see me typing on this thing when we're supposed to read on something on the web for our quiz. Tsk,tsk! Bad Esqui!! oh no, gotta stop. i think he's peering at me over the top of his computer monitor. hehehe, this is F-U-N!

Damned

by Shimoli

Boy you reminded me of putting these things into words and
save them, for rainy days
Your shamefull heart and sinfull soul
Oh I'm amazed by you and all that you are

*your devious ways you do the work of the dark forces in this world
and you're evil, oh yes you are...

**Damned, you're one man I just can't stand, you're
Damned, built your castle on the sand you're
Damned, how could i ever want you for my man i lost you now,
So why do I care?

You really knew right from the start
How to work your way to my heart.
And then you pulled the trigger shot me 'round the weakest
You're a disgrace,to the human race
With your pretty face

(REPEAT * and **)

Your devious ways you do the work of dark forces in this world
And you're evil...oh yes you are...

(REPEAT **)